Desire is mimetic

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The idea that we desire something because somebody else desires it. Theorised by a French philosopher called René Girard, who is also credited for mimetic theory.

Girard came up with something called the Romantic Lie - that we think our desires are our own and are convinced of our autonomy. That we know good or bad things when we see it. But often, we want things based on the value other people assign those things.

There is a model according to which desire is shaped. The model is the mediator

Our nervous system knows how to seek and pursue needs. They are instinctual. Wants, or desires, on the other hand cannot be guided by an internal compass. Which is why we recognise them using other mediators.

These models seem to know what they want, so they act as signposts for us.

Desire is always latched to something. When we satisfy one, we hunt for the next, shaped by another model. It is never ending, and it is especially likely in a society with abundance, like the one we live in.

Sociologist and philosopher Zygmunt Bauman referred to this kind of situation as “liquid modernity”—almost nothing is stable. Not least of all our desires.

When the objects of desire don’t matter anymore, and the identity behind them does, it becomes metaphysical desire - wanting things because we want what comes with them.

So how do we get better at knowing what we want